It was Friday December 28th, 2007. My birthday was exactly a week ago and I was now 21 years old. I could finally grab a drink anywhere in the world while leaving my running shoes at home. Unfortunately, both Matt and Aaron were exempt from this entitlement. They both had a few months to go. As a result, we decided to go to Canada to celebrate my birthday and the end of 2007.

This trip was decided at a diner near our campus. It was a spur of the moment thought that turned into a legitimate trip. It seemed like a good idea. We'd been up there before. Hell, our last trip was extremely memorable. Convincing Matt to go was easy. There were only two real issues, the first of which was transportation. Matt and I quickly convinced Aaron to agree to take his car up, but there was also the manner of renewing my license. This meant a trip to the dreaded DMV.

No one gives a crap about the Department of Motor Vehicles unless they're getting their license. I'd love to regale my horrific experience at the DMV but it would only serve to infuriate me more. Stories like mine, consisting of being denied a renewal due to insufficient points, are plentiful. I don't need to explain the three trips I took or the 3 hours of life that I'll never have back. I don't need to detail how the heinous DMV clerk had the audacity to tell me to smile for my picture. Instead, I'll you just tell you my license resembles a mugshot. I thought it was funny, at first.

I eventually showed up at Aaron's house and was ready to be chastised for my tardiness. Instead, I looked up the driveway and witnessed both guys still packing their bags. I turned to my mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I then grabbed my wallet and gave her my fake ID. "Can you save this? I don't I need it anymore." I smiled as she shook her head while analyzing it. I got out of the car with my things and joined the guys.

There was a 7 hour drive ahead of us. We packed Aaron's older sister's car with whatever we could think of. We had the obligatory extra clothes, unnecessary case of beer and a handle of pricier vodka that none of us were really fans of. The car was a Suzuki Outback and what made it most appealing was that it was a station wagon. The leg room in the back was particularly ideal for my aching knees.

The trip wasn't memorable. Border patrol was a bit of a bitch. They asked us a bunch of questions and even repeated the same ones in a slightly different manner. I bumbled a few answers. I felt as if being a bit socially awkward worked to my advantage. I knew they were allowed to search the car and the excess alcohol was worrisome. I was under the belief that they didn’t let you bring a certain amount of liquor across the border. It’s all for naught though since they never searched the car and we simply drove across the border.

The final stretch to Montreal took some time. Driving began to get more difficult as we entered the city. There was snow everywhere and parking looked to be impossible. Matt, who was now driving, found a spot right in front of the hotel we were staying at. I didn’t say anything but I was amazed at our luck.

We went inside the hotel carrying our bags. The hallways were extremely tight. Only two of us fit inside the office. This didn’t seem as good as Aaron claimed it was. I waited in the hallway and looked at the mirrors and my reflection. I didn’t have any expectations for this hotel. I started playing with my iPhone and taking pictures of myself in the mirror when Matt and Aaron finally walked out with our room keys.

Aaron lead the way downstairs. The hallway seemed to get even tighter as we walked through. "I feel as if we're going to get murdered," I said. "I bet there's going to be a a Red Rum next door to us."

"Great choice Aaron," Matt added. "I thought you said this place was close to Crescent Street. It's basically the furthest shack you can possibly get."

"We haven't even gotten to our rooms yet," Aaron responded. "I got us a good price and we're not that far from everything."

"You know this is how every horror movie starts off right?" I said as Matt smirked. "Tons of booze, sex and saving a few bucks on a hotel. Minus the sex obviously, since who the fuck is coming over here?"

Aaron stopped in front of a door. I could tell we were getting to him. He put his key in and pushed the door. It didn't open. Matt and I laughed and the frustration was really showing as Aaron threw his body against the door to pop it open.

"The door won't even open fully!" I pointed out. "The floor is slanted or something." Aaron and Matt didn't respond. They were examining the room.

The room was composed of two full sized beds. There were no comforters and the bathroom was nonexistant. The beds had about a foot of space between them and with no leway whatsoever. They were pressed up against opposite walls and we all looked on in disappointment.

“We’re not staying here both nights,” Matt proclaimed.

“Yea, there’s no way,” I agreed.

“It’s not that bad guys,” Aaron assured us. “Everywhere else is expensive. This was a great deal.” There was a certain amount of defeat in his voice.

“No it’s not,” Matt said while smirking my way. “We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

I pulled out my handle of Smirnoff Vodka. It was overkill. I poured out shots into plastic cups for all three of us. Even Aaron, a notorious non-drinker, took a few shots. Matt mixed a few drinks and I pounded a few with him. We were getting a great buzz going, but with the shit room we got dealt it was difficult to really appreciate anything.

Afterwards, we went straight to Crescent Street. We took a cab since we figured parking before had been a miracle. I was surprised at how poorly plowed the roads were. Once we arrived to the familiar street we hopped out. It was not yet time to bar hop. As buzzed as we were, we decided to get some more drinks as well as food.

We went into a Fridays type of restaurant. We ate and drink a few Canadian beers. The waitress was cute and Aaron is always without shame, so obviously he attempted to flirt with her. Matt and I simply looked on and kept quiet as he casually kept asking her random things. Nothing came of it.

There was a bar downstairs that seemed more like a club. It spread throughout the entire lower floor and had various lighting displays. More than half the people down there were dancing. I stuck with the guys and we spent most of our time at the bar.

I soon headed over to an older looking woman. She looked early 30’s. She had dark red hair and was dressed provacatively. Her friend was sitting at the bar beside her. The friend was blonde and unattractive. I planned on talking to both of them but zoning in on the red head.

“Do you know what that red drink is called?” I asked trying to elicit a response.

She checked me out from head to toe. “What red drink?”

“It’s Canadian, people keep giving it to me,” I said.

“Well, what’s it called?”

“I think it’s called Wrecker’s Red or Redeker’s Red or something along those lines,” I explained.

She smiled. “I know what you’re talking about, not quite what it’s called.” She motioned to the bartender before I can ask her the name. “Two Red’s for me and my friend.”

“Wow, you got his attention pretty quickly,” I remarked.

“Me and John are good friends,” she said. I began to take out my wallet once the drinks were poured. She stopped me and said, “My treat.”

I talked to her for a lengthy time. I didn’t realize that I’d started losing control of the situation as soon as she paid for my drink. That was the first time I’d ever been bought a drink and it threw me off. After bumbling the conversation and struggling to keep it going, another man began to talk up the red head. I took that as my cue to rejoin the guys.

While I was talking up the red head, Aaron and Matt were breaking into a club. Apparently, Matt was able to beat the cover to the place somehow. Aaron had lingered behind and was being told he had to pay to get in. The problem was that Aaron didn’t have enough money to get in and still cover the rest of the trip. Matt was adamant about getting him inside. The scene was supposedly great. So Matt found a window that was slightly ajar and was able to speak to Aaron through it. Matt then talked him into climbing over a wall and adjacent roof and jumping in.

The entire street was crowded. It was an active Friday night. Almost everyone in the club's line witnessed Aaron scaling the wall and jumping off a roof into the club. Matt could see people cheering Aaron on and this was all they needed to jump start a rather tame night.

I ended up meeting up with the two guys on the street later on. The busiest part of the street was the end where the Holiday Inn was. It seemed too good to pass up for the next night. We had to stay there.

“We’re staying at the Holiday tomorrow,” I said.

“Yea, definitely,” Matt agreed.

“Well, the rooms are definitely more expensive,” Aaron added.

“Let’s find out,” I responded.

We walked in and asked reception about the rooms. It was almost double the cost of the last hotel but it seemed more than worth it. I offered to throw in a little extra, as did Matt. We agreed that we'd take the beds while Aaron could just sleep on the sofa or a cot. We just had to check in tomorrow.

We went back to our shady hotel. The cab played games with us and drove around in circles. I noticed this by turning on my iPhone and mapping out the city. As soon as I was ready to call him out, I realized we were back on track. I was pissed but all he really did was sucker us for a few singles.

We hopped out of the car and headed down to our compact room. Matt and Aaron shared a bed while I took comfort in my own. It seemed like we were all sharing regardless. To add to our discomfort, even though the whole country seemed to be freezing, we spent the night sweating profusely.

We woke up early the next morning. I felt anxious and hungover. We packed our stuff and checked out. We then took Aaron’s car out for a drive. We were looking for a cool spot to try out for lunch. As soon as we found one we realized how incredibly more difficult it is to find a spot in this area.

“Dude, just park anywhere. Seriously, who gives fuck?” I frustratingly shouted to Aaron.

“Yea, are you going to pay the ticket?” Aaron challenged.

“We don’t have to pay shit up here! Are you serious?” I said getting even more anxious.

“Relax man, we’ll find a spot,” Matt calmly responded.

“Come on guys! We’re in Canada, we’re Americans. They can fine us all they want and we’ll just never come back. You think they send out bounty hunters for parking tickets?” The anxiety was hitting me harder and I really couldn’t believe they wouldn’t listen to me. They found a spot right after my final anxiety riddled outburst. “Whatever, pussies.”

We walked into a cool looking restaurant. Our goal was to find a place with good micro-brew. This one appeared legit. It was at least 3 floors and it looked like something out of a movie. It seemed like we were living out a scene from a sitcom.

As soon as we sat down, I started going nuts. I couldn’t sit still. The anxiety had finally taken over. An attractive waitress came over to take our orders. I could barely talk much less stay still. I didn't wait for the other guys. I ordered a burger and a beer and walked downstairs to the bathroom.

I sped to the men’s room. I didn’t know what to do. I was panicking and my arm was shaking. It began to really start jerking and I was terrorfied that I was going to black out. I hugged myself on the toilet and tried to beat it for a few minutes. That was when I decided alcohol was my only answer.

I walked back upstairs and my food was already there. I tried but couldn’t even hold the burger. The waitress came back. "Do you need anything else?" she asked.

"I'll have another micro brew," I said.

"Is there something wrong with your drink?" she asked while looking at the micro brew in front of me.

"No, no." I could feel my hands still shaking. "I'd just like an extra." I smiled reassuringly at her as she left to get the drink.

I then chugged the large glass of micro-brew and didn’t even give myself a chance to savor it. It took me about a minute to finish the massive glass. The waitress came back and it was as if I had just gotten an instant refill. I repeated the process.

A wave of salvation hit me. The alcohol was coursing through my body. It was like a wave of relaxation had enveloped my soul. I could feel every drop of it radiating through me. I attacked my burger, which added to the bliss, and ignored my third micro-brew. The food tasted better than it probably is. We all finished our food in peace as I recounted the last half hour of panic to the guys.

We next decided to explore more of the city. We drove around and took a spot that had a decent walking distance from the busy spots in Montreal. We’d seen most of it already and even made the same exact walk the last time we ventured into Canada. This time the strip club on the main street seemed too appealing to pass up. We walked upstairs not knowing what to expect.

The plan was to spend only a half hour in there max. We ended up in there for hours. Aaron left early to check in at the Holiday Inn. It was still in walking distance so Matt and I didn’t mind.

We were mesmerized by the strippers and we couldn’t figure out why. They all had fake breasts and were terrible dancers. It must have been the $5 dollar lap dances that lasted the duration of a song. It might even have been because you were allowed to touch as many breasts as you could afford. I knew immediately that I would never grope as many tits as I was doing ever again in my life. It was a fun way to spend the day to say the least.

It was dark when we left. Since we were on the main street, people shook their heads at us walking out of a strip club. Matt and I laughed and walked back to the Holiday Inn. Aaron’s car was parked in the side lot. We went upstairs ready to see what kind of room we had.

It was a palace. It was four times bigger than the shit hole we had stayed in the night before. The two twin size beds seemed to make the room that much bigger. Aside from the cott Aaron asked for, there’s also a couch that seems just as comfortable. Regardless, Aaron had been lying on one of the twin sized beds while doing something on his laptop.

Matt and I went back to the car and brought up our stuff. Aaron was still hanging out on one of the beds even though we had told him to get off.

"I paid extra, so I get the one that hasn't been contaminated by Aaron!" I said.

"Aaron, get the hell off my bed!" Matt barked.

The Giants were playing the Patriots. The game was memorable since the Patriots were attempting to finish the season undefeated. I thought it was inevitable since they’d been unstoppable all year, so I told Matt I’d rather see them win it. I told him that we’d probably never see an undefeated team again in our lifetime and to just go with it. Subconsciously, I was hoping I’d jinx them. Matt on the other hand was adamantly against them winning.

I sat down on the bed in front of the TV. I had the handle of Smirnoff in my left hand and an over sized Canadian beer I had gotten from the shop next door to the hotel in my right hand. I had picked the beer with the highest alcohol percentage. I figured if I was going to double fist anything, it better be the best.

“What the hell are you doing?” Matt asked in disgust.

“What’s it look like,” I said, “I’m partying like a rock star.”

“Are you crazy?” His eyes were wide open. “You’re double fisting with a bottle of fucking Smirnoff!”

“What are you a kid? Relax man, I’m good.”

“You’re going to black out before we even leave the room,” he responded.

I shook my head and took a swig from each bottle in defiance. The game finished soon after and the Patriots celebrated their perfect regular season. I was a bit let down but at the same time I was prepared for it. I took a few more swigs from each bottle and gave the Smirnoff to Matt so he could mix his own drink as always. The three of us then went out as we finished all of our drinks.

It was Saturday and the streets were even more crowded than it was the previous night. The alcohol was really hitting me and I was enjoying the feeling. I was fearless and ready to embrace the night. We had previously discussed our goal together. We had to bring chicks back to the room and party throughout the night. No matter what, we had to take advantage of the amazing room that was located right on what can only be described as the party street.

The three of us walked into the biggest bar on the street. It had several floors and it looked like we couldn't fail. Matt and Aaron walked in first and marched through the crowded interior. I purposely was straggling along surveying the talent.

I walked around slowly and saw a brunette sitting by herself at a mini table. She was attractive and I envisioned her as a mermaid stuck on a rock in the middle of the ocean. I walked over and started talking to her. The conversation was fluid. She smiled continuously and I was sure I’d hooked the mermaid. It went well until a hand suddenly grabbed my shoulder and jerked me around.

A man was in my face looking at me angrily. “Oh, my bad bro. I-” He cut me off by shoving me. It wasn't strong enough for me to stumble but enough that I took a step back. I stepped back up and said, “Hey, I didn’t know she was with you.” He pushed yet me again but I braced myself this time. “Listen man, I didn’t mean to hit on your-” He pushed me again for a third time and now I’d had enough.

I shoved him and threw my weight into it as he fell into the crowd. I was ready for his next move when I was embraced by a massive person. It was the bouncer. I was near the door and the bouncer seemingly picked me up and threw me towards the steps. I stumbled around until I could regain my balance.

I then walked up the small steps and pointed to the bouncer. “What the hell? Why’d you throw me out?” He ignored me. “Yo! Hello! Why’d you throw me out if you’re not going to toss the other guy!?”

“Leave now,” the bouncer said while looking over my head, barely acknowledging me.

“Leave? What about the other fucking guy!? He started it what the fuck?” I shouted.
 
“Leave now,” the bouncer repeated, still ignoring me otherwise.

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck I did that-” I was suddenly cut off.

I felt someone grabbing my shoulder and imagined that the scenario that had just happened inside was happening all over again. There was no way I was going to let some guy manhandle me again, so I threw an elbow and connected with the mystery person. Everything went to shit.

The hand on my arm let go, but the release was immediately followed with sudden blows to my legs. I was still facing the bouncer and could feel something kicking at the spot behind my knees. It staggered me but I was able to keep my balance and keep swinging my elbows. I was trying to create some space from my attacker.

I then started to realize it wasn't just one guy. The blows to my legs started to spread to my torso and thighs. I was startled by the fact that they’re actually batons and the men were swinging them mercilessly. One baton managed to make my leg cave in and that was all they needed to get enough leverage to throw me down the steps and onto the pavement.

They were cops. I was continuing to struggle, even though I was already on the sidewalk on my stomach, until one cop twisted my arm and applied pressure. The pain was surreal and I gave in and lay still. A few seconds after I stopped moving, another cop came over and put his knee on the back of my neck. He put all his weight on top and I was beyond incapacitated.

I couldn’t feel my arm to begin with. The cop had applied pressure after angling my arm so I was immobile while the other cop on my neck was just overkill. I was in agony and couldn’t move much less breathe. The cop holding my arm eventually let go of my arm and hand cuffed me immediately. The bastard on my neck took his time before getting off. He might as well have spit on me. He probably did.

I was then lifted up to my feet. I went into complete hysterics. There were crowds of people watching as I started screaming about my innocence and the fact that I was just jumped by cops. I was again struggling and pulling away from two cops who are trying to pull me into a marked cruiser. I stared down one cop who seemed to actually pity me. "Please! Please! Just take the medication out of my pocket! Please man! Take me wherever just please give me my medication!" Tears streamed down my face as I said this. I was desperate. He simply watched as I was thrown into the car.

The back seat didn’t have enough room for my legs. I was positioned sideways in an awkward and uncomfortable angle. To make it worse, the handcuffs were on too tight. The angle made the handcuffs dig into my wrists and I could feel the steel ripping through my skin. This only fed to my burgeoning fury.

“I didn’t fucking do anything!” I screamed as the cops started driving to what I could only assume was jail. There was a plastic screen that was closed but there were slits in it so I knew they could hear me.

“You fucking assholes have no idea how much shit is heading your way!” They ignored me. “You realize I’m a goddam American. When I get back you’re all fucked!” They continued to ignore me as my threats got wilder and more intense. “I fucking get jumped by some guy in a bar and you fucking abuse an American because your country is a piece of ice cold shit with nothing better to do. Is that right?” The two cops in front didn’t appear to even look or talk to each other.

I started to calm down. My entire body hurt but I needed to get their attention. I needed my medication. “As soon as I get home, I’m going to stir so much shit up,” I said calmly. “I’m going to come back and have all you guys fired. I can promise you that.” The cops continued to ignore me. “I’m an American and you can’t do this shit to us. We’ll fuck you up and take your piece of shit snowball country and sell it for a fucking dime bag.” There was still no response.

I started to brown out. I don’t remember getting out of the car or even walking into the station. I woke up in front of the jail cell. The cop holding my arm was now going through my pockets and taking everything I had on me. I started to protest but he wouldn't acknowledge me. I saw him pull the pill I so desperately needed out of my pocket and before I could beg for him to let me have it, he shoved me inside the cell and slammed it shut. I felt both vulnerable and violated.


He then uncuffed my hands through the bars. I could hear him loudly walk away. I gave up and just stared at the wall. I realized I was completely alone.

I looked around. This was the first time I’d ever been to jail. It looked very clean and even shiny. The lights were off and I had no idea what time it was. The bed was a thin long silver slab. As soon as I saw it, I just laid down on it and went straight to sleep.

I was awakened by a cop hitting the bars with his baton. I got up and he simply said, “Let’s go.”

I was groggy and extremely tired. I was led to a counter with a man sitting on the opposite side. He gave me a bag that had all my belongings. He told me, “Sign here and take your stuff.” I did as he said begrudgingly. He then said, “This is for you.”

He handed me an envelope with a piece of paper inside. “What’s this?” I scowled back at him.

“It’s your summons,” he said frankly.

“Summons? Summons for what?” I responded bitterly.

“It’s a fine for being drunk in public.”

I took the summons while shaking my head. I walked right out of the station. I was still drunk and tired. My body hurt and I had no idea where I was. I hailed a cab and I was told that the Holiday Inn was just a simple walk. I told him, “I don’t care. Just take me to the hotel and don’t play games and I’ll tip you well.”
I eventually got to the room and saw Aaron on his cot and Matt on his bed. Aaron had been awake and Matt I assumed was barely sleeping. Matt got up once I got to my bed.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked.

“Jail.”

He tried to suppress his laugh.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said. I needed sleep. Matt and Aaron looked at each other as I pulled the sheets up over my head and forced myself to sleep. The bed was a relief from the metallic slab I was forced to endure for six hours.

I woke up to Matt on his laptop and Aaron talking to him about his night. I felt ridiculously sick. I stood up and walked over to the balcony door and went outside. I threw up and the acid tore through my throat violently. The whole balcony was now covered in acidic puke and my throat burned as it filled the ongoing puke with blood. I went back into the room after emptying my stomach and laid down on top of my bed. I felt better but the hangover and pain in my throat was lingering.

“Dude, what happened to you last night?” Aaron asked.

“I got attacked by some guy and thrown out. When I got in the bouncer’s face a ton of cops jumped me and beat the shit out of me.”

Matt held in a laugh but I noticed it anyway. “I figured. I mean once we lost you and you never showed up I honestly thought he’s either getting laid or in jail.”

“Whatever,” I responded. “Those deustch bags even had the nerve to give me a fucking ticket for being drunk in public.”

“Well get this,” Matt continued, “Aaron left me last night and went to get a happy ending.”

“So?” I asked waiting for more story.

Matt laughed. “Apparently he couldn’t bust.” He laughed again as Aaron just smiled.

“Listen man, she asked me why I wasn’t cumming and I told her I can’t through hand jobs.” Aaron continued casually, “So she starts giving me head and I still can’t cum. So I tell her I can only cum through sex.” I looked at Matt and we both smirked as Aaron continued, “She tells me that she shouldn’t even be giving me head because it’s not allowed but that she likes me. So I got her number and even gave her the hotel room number.”

“So what you fucked her here?” I asked.

“He wishes!” Matt blurted while laughing. “I fucking walk in and he’s sitting on his cot staring at the wall. The worst part is I’m the only one who actually pulled through and had 3 girls with me.”

“Yea, what about the guy?” Aaron added.

“So what? There were enough girls for all of us, but you had to creep us out by ignoring everyone and just waiting for your beloved hooker,” Matt responded
.
“Wait, so you brought back girls?” I asked.

“Yea, but I fucked up.” Matt paused for a second. ”Goddammit.” He looked over to me. “You had to go and kill all the vodka and fight some cops,” he said. “There wasn’t enough for all of us and we didn’t have anything to do.”

“So what happened?” I asked curiously.

“Nothing. We went back to their room and played card games but it completely fell apart,” Matt explained.

“So you got blue balls and Aaron got herpes,” I said while laughing in pain.

“Wait what?” Aaron asked as he swung his legs off his cot and sat staring at me.

“You heard me. That’s a straight up herpes story if I’ve ever heard one.”

“No way!” He exclaimed. “You can’t get herpes from blowjobs!”

“Are you fucking kidding me? That’s like the easiest way to get it!” I said while smirking.

“Holy shit… No way. Oh my God.” Aaron was starting to panic and was sliding his hands through his hair while looking at the floor. Matt was laughing quietly.

“Relax man. At least a bunch of cops didn’t beat the crap out of you and throw you in jail,” I said soothingly. “And besides, you pour some alcohol on your dick and goodbye germs.”

Aaron looked up immediately. “Wait what?"


“Look, just take that bottle of Smirnoff and pour it on your shaft. It’s like rubbing alcohol. It’ll kill any germs you got on there.” I kept from laughing as I said it convincingly.

Aaron got up from his cot, filled a coffee mug with Smirnoff and walked over to the bathroom. He shouted out as Matt and I started laughing. After a few minutes, he walked out with his legs spread wide open.

“I just dunked my dick in it. Oh man did it burn,” Aaron said.

“Means it worked,” I responded.

“You know she was never coming right?” Matt stated.

“Dude, she was definitely coming. She gave me her number,” Aaron explained.

“So why didn’t she show up?” Matt asked.

Aaron was silent for almost a minute. He frowned as he said, “I gave her the wrong room number.”

Matt laughed and seemed to not believe him. I was in too much pain to doubt him. “Are you serious?” I asked.

“There’s no fucking number on the room key!” Aaron responded immediately. I started laughing with Matt again.

We then decided it was time to check out and head straight home. We got in the car without getting breakfast or lunch. I was in dire need of both water and food but we decided to just get the hell out of Canada and stop at a rest stop.

We reached the border and expected no issues. Instead, they took our IDs and they must have picked up on my stint in jail. It may have just been my mugshot look on my newly renewed license. They asked us a lot of questions and even asked why I looked like I was about to die in the backseat.

"We had a long night," Matt said.

They then searched the trunk of the car and after looking through our stuff let us go. It was at this point that it hit me. If I had had my fake ID on me last night, I would’ve been stuck in jail for who knows how long. I dodged a bullet there.

Our next goal was to find some food and gas. Unfortunately Aaron’s navigation was absolute crap and kept taking us on weird routes in the middle of nowhere upstate New York. We listened to it and instead of staying on the main interstate route, we ended up on an endless 2 lane road with no outlets. The worst part was we were out of gas.

The car shut off twice before it completely died on us. We were miles away from anything. Matt started the car up a third time but all it did was start up and die. We then let it coast downhill on neutral, but that only got us deeper into the middle of nowhere.

I was sick enough that I couldn’t talk anymore. I’d been eating saltine crackers as my only sustenance and they only served to dehydrate my body even more.

Aaron looked over at one point. "Dude, your tongue is yellow. I think you have alcohol poisoning," he explained. I didn't respond but I figured it was either alcohol poisoning or severe dehydration.

So there we were stuck on an empty road with no gas. There was a property nearby that looked like they could have helped us, but there was also a sign on the gate that read trespassers will be shot. We decided to wait for a car to pass us by instead.

Luckily a truck did drive by and stopped. Aaron decided to get a ride with them and pick up gas. He left with the three strange truckers and didn’t come back for a half hour.

“If he doesn’t show up in an hour, you know what that means right?” I said to Matt.

He laughed. “We’ll if he doesn’t show up we’re fucked.”

Aaron did show up about an hour after leaving us. He had a tank full of gas and while I waited in the backseat, they spent the next thirty minutes trying to figure out how to pour the gas into the car. Eventually they got it right and we finally got real directions from the GPS.

We then got gas at the nearest gas station. I bought a gallon of water. I chugged most of it in the store even though my throat was raw and still suffering from the stomach acid I had thrown up. I also got a couple of Gatorades and cookies to try and keep something down. Eating them was torture. We then got back in the car and drove back home. I finally felt well enough to talk through the pain.

"So who do you guys think had the best time during this trip?" I asked them.

"Probably not you," Matt answered.

"I would say I had the most eventful in a positive way and you had the most eventful in a going to prison way," Aaron added as they laughed and I chuckled in pain.

“So you realize you got what you wanted right?” Matt said to me.

“What do you mean?” I asked not knowing what he was referring to.

“The whole time we were parking in Montreal you were begging to get a ticket,” Matt said starting to grin. “You said if you got one it wouldn’t matter and you’d never pay it.”

“You’re goddam right I’ll never pay it,” I responded sharply.

“You know you’ll have warrants out for your arrest eventually,” Aaron added.

“I don’t give a shit. I will never come back to this hell hole. Canada can suck my dick!” I shouted out the window. “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to wipe my ass with that summons and mail it back to them. I hope I start an ecoli poisoning craze and it takes out the nation.” Matt and Aaron were both laughing. “Fuck Canada.”